Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Replacing "But" with "Because"

Have you ever said to your kids,

"I love you but . . . "

 . . . you need to obey me.
 . . . don't do that again!
 . . . you need to eat your dinner.
 . . . you have to listen to me.
 . . . you can't go in the front yard by yourself.

I cringe when I hear those words come out of my mouth.  Unconditional love leaves no room for "but."  My love does not hinge on what my kids do or do not do; however, my "but" implies that maybe it does. Anytime someone gives a compliment, then follows it with "but," I suck air in, preparing for what might outweigh the kind words.  If I say, "I love you, but . . . " do my kids interpret a condition that might outweigh my love for them?  As I thought about this, I wondered how I could convey my message more clearly.  If I could replace my "but" with a "because," then I wouldn't be implying that there was some way that my daughters could  somehow do something that would keep me from loving them.

"Because I love you . . . "

 . . . you need to obey me.
 . . . don't do that again!
 . . . you need to eat your dinner. 
 . . . you have to listen to me.
 . . . you can't go in the front yard by yourself. 

After all, my girls never have to do anything that would make them deserve my love.  I just love them because they are my daughters.  End of story.  Am I sad or even angry sometimes when they disobey?  You know it!  But they will always have my love and the things that I ask them to do are not conditions on my love.  Many times, they are things that will keep them safe and healthy.  Other times, they are asked to do what is necessary to live in our world, culture, community, and home. 

If this is true of me and how I feel about my daughters, how much truer is it of God's love toward us?  He does not love me more or less because of what I do, nor is His love in any way conditional.  I am His daughter and He loves me.  He's my dad.  Do I make him sad or maybe angry sometimes?  Who knows, but I'm thinking I do.  Regardless, I know His love for me far passes even my love for my daughters.  After all, He was not only willing, but actually gave His life for me.  I have not done that; I remain a selfish person.  If I, human and selfish, can love my daughters without any "buts," how much more can God, completely all-powerful yet humble love me without any "buts."

Because He loves me, I will obey Him.

1 comment:

  1. I know a mom who says things like "I love you too much to argue," which is pretty much the same idea. I love the idea of helping kids realize that it's BECAUSE we love them that we are setting boundaries and expectations. I'm not a mom, but if I ever am one, I'm hoping to make that part of my repertoire. :)

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